Look left...cool. Look right....cool.

Okay, we’re good to--…great.

I was being cautious. I was. I was careful to look on my sides. I knew, it’s raining so I have to be careful. Yes, the radio was playing but it was on when I started the car and it was at a very reasonable level. And I was looking. I was going very slowly, and I was looking. Just not in the middle, straight behind me. Maybe if it wasn’t raining, maybe if that darn headrest wasn’t in the middle, maybe if I didn’t press on the gas that quickly. I was trying to be cautious, I was focused; and yet one simply miscalculation is gonna likely come out to…$400….$500?! It’s just a dent. How can just a dent cost that much money?! Can’t they just pop it back out?! Nobody was hurt, there is no damage to the systems, it did no damage to the inside or to the passengers.

I’m not freaking out. I’m not getting angry with anyone or even frustrated with myself…well the last is the biggest struggle…but I won’t succumb. All the things I wrote on my post no 1 Cor 10:13, as well as responses like Jen Chung’s “thanks I needed this” responses resonate in my head. God ordained this to test my faith, and I know I’m gonna pass. But as I sit in the car, I can only think about what she must be thinking. I tell her I’m sorry, and I want to show her I am without looking like I’m begging for sympathy. Where’s the line I draw? How apologetic do I have to be without crossing the line into pathetic? These are the test questions I just don’t know how to answer. If it were just me, and my car, and I hit someone, and I had to take care of it on my own I wouldn’t panic. I’d be fine. But it’s just so much harder when you’ve affected someone else, when someone else is paying for your mistakes. I didn’t study hard enough for this test. I don’t know the answer to this one and so I just sit in silence.