The woman as I see her.

A withered hand reveals two dusty copper coins, dented and discolored, likely the result of having been trampled on. Her visage doesn’t seem to reflect much better. Her face is washed out, her eyes sunken and her brow heavy. She clasps her hands over the coins and slowly raises them up to her wrinkled face, pressing her quivering lips against them as she mutters unintelligible prayer into the space between her thumbs. It’s not long before her eyes tear. She pinches the sides of her head covering and draws them in an attempt to drape her despair. Nobody is startled by her tears…they all know her, or rather, know her husband – knew her husband. What is surprising to them, though, is how a poor old widow can still afford to give offering...nobody is startled by her tears.

What is sacrifice?

My thoughts move towards the parable of the woman with two copper coins in Matthew 16. In that chapter Jesus sits to watch people putting money into an offering box. Many rich people put in large sums, but Jesus gives notice to the poor widow, saying she put it more than anyone else.

“For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on” - v. 44

So what does this mean for me? Well for one, it means I need to give more at offering. It also means that I need to stop measuring things by my accomplishments. It wasn’t in the measure of her contribution, but in the measure of her service. As a member of body – whether a church body or a dance team - I have to evaluate and confirm that my efforts are to serve the group and not to win praise or laurels. The significant trait about sacrifice, you can’t ask for anything in return. Otherwise, it’s not sacrifice. I imagine the woman faced inner conflict when making the decision to physically put those coins in the box, because once she did it, she couldn’t take it back. That was it. In order for her to decide to give everything she had, all she had to live on, she had to first be willing to give her life.

“For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” - v. 25

Christ didn't come down as man to be praised. He didn't proclaim himself as the Messiah to be worshiped. He did it to give hope, he did it so that when he died on the cross, people would know their sins would be forgiven; that if they gave their life, they would have life more abundantly. Life for the now, life for the after (John 3:16). So what will you give?

Ain't nothin like a good car ride.

I'm not always an advocate of relative judgment, but I have to go with the Goldilocksian method on this one:

The phone is simply too much pressure. No bard be I; I shudder at the thought of having to sustain interest by casual conversation without the aid of hand motion, facial expression, or environmental diversion. And how is one supposed to deal with prolonged silences? It's like the telephonic equivalent of staring each other in the face, slack-jawed and blank-faced. What? You simply blurt out whatever comes to mind in a desperate attempt to bridge the discrepancy between worthwhile topics? The random subject change becomes too fragile a walkway to cross, crumbling in translation and causing the adventurer to fall into indefinite awkwardness. Sigh, a fate I know all too well. Too intimate.

Instant messaging is easily a distant enough venue for nonchalant information and straight-talk, and the commitment flexibility dismisses most bad readings of quiet gaps, easily ameliorated with a "brb" or the opportune YouTube video recommendation. But this distance is unregulated, and in the circumstance in which you were aiming for intimacy, myriad problems arise. Both the poet and subtle comedian will find it difficult to exact the delicate changes in tone, timing, and volume necessary for appropriate expression, and "argumentative Arvin" is sure to leave the conversation in a frustrated huff of misunderstanding. Too distant.

Car rides provide the perfect medium:

- Little fear of disinterested parties. Everyone knew what kind of commitment they were getting themselves into -- I mean they literally got into it. It's not like they can walk out on the conversation, and - provided you control radio and iPod use - it's an arduous task to tune out. The car is a chat-room be default. Just intimate enough.

- No need for eye contact. Everyone has a window, and there is a world of images around you, each one approximate enough to justify a glance, yet ephemeral enough to prevent prolonged distraction. Just distant enough. Plus, nature tends to help ease things along. There's just something about vast blue skies or streetlight-lit scenery that seem to provoke deep thought.

- If all else fails, the radio is the quintessential social fire extinguisher -- break glass in case of emergency.

Of course, lunch & dinner dates are a close second, though one may need to be properly equipped with creative ways to end the rendezvous if necessary.

So let me know if you need a ride somewhere. If I can, I will.

Creed by Stever Turner

This poem from English journalist, Steve Turner, has been cited many times by apologist Ravi Zacharias. I recently heard this at his conference at Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa entitled "Need God? What if I don't?" Turner eloquently cites worldviews I've never been able to summarize myself, wittily revealing the condition of today's society and the falsity of the beliefs to which it subscribes.

Creed by Steve Turner

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin.
We believe everything is OK
as long as you don't hurt anyone,
to the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before during
and after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy's OK
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better
despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated.
You can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in horoscopes,
UFO's and bent spoons;
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha
Mohammed and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think
his good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same,
at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of
creation sin heaven hell God and salvation.

We believe that after comes The Nothing
because when you ask the what happens
they say Nothing.
If is not the end, if they have lied,
then it's compulsory heaven for all
excepting perhaps Hitler , Stalin and Genghis Khan.

We believe in Masters and Johnson.
What's selected is average.
What's average is normal.
What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between
warfare and shed.
Americans should beat their guns into tractors
and the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It's only his behaviour that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth
that is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will readjust. History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds.

Steve Turner

Car.

February 8, 2009
3:48AM

Groggily driving down the culdesac I find a sigh of relief is all I can utter to rejoice in yet another safe trip home. I also find something else. A car parked on the driveway. Not an uncommon occurrence, out of the many household cars already populating the private parking space we always figure a way to make room for visitors who don't want to be ticketed at 2:00AM for parking on the curb (probably the most Irvine thing about Walnut). Whoever it belongs to, they haven't had it for long, since there's no license pla--wait a minute...you're not....shoot.

My dad and I had been talking about buying a car, which mainly involved him getting me to answer the pestering dealership people calling us and replying to emails saying we're not ready to make a decision yet. I guess my dad didn't send me the memo that he was ready. I was much too tired to jump up and down.

Things I was also "much too" to jump up and down:
1. old
2. alone
3. outside

I'm happy the day is finally here. It's not the feeling of independence; I didn't purchase it, and I'll mostly be using it to drive to work with my dad (the latter being reason why I can't do the former without the help of the superior). It's not the feeling of possession; we haphazardly switch around cars depending on who needs to go where and when. It's not the feeling of reward; I definitely don't feel deserving of something like this.

It's grace. So much grace, from my dad, from my mom (who refused to enjoy buying a new car until she test drove this one), and from God. Grace from God to do His work. I often contemplate the burden I put on others, making them pick me up and drop me off, and the limit that creates in my ministry, though I do love riding in cars with other people. It's where I have some of them most memorable conversation.

The car is by far my chatroom of choice.

I can't wait to pick people up, to say "yeah I'll take you," to let people depend on me this time around. I can only imagine the future conversations. I could go off on how meek I've always felt having to ask people every single week to take me here and there, the need to ask a favor just so I can get from point A to B. Now I get to do that for others. No distance too far in theory, but not in gas money. Nonetheless I'm excited to see how far I can go. Who wants to come with?

Project Sea Turtles: Minutes of Execution

11:30am
Sure enough I wake up, not to my alarm, but instead to a phone call from Buzz. He has no work and is willing to accompany me for the day.

1:30pm
First thing we do is go to travel to his neck of the woods where the Red Ribbon is located. Chicken empanadas for the pal, a slice of Ube cake for the little brother, and a nice 1/4 sheet Mocha Crunch cake for the gfriend. Buzz and I silently awe at the manager's deft icing calligraphy, nothing short of virtuoso, even erasing a bum letter with precision (a feat I prior thought impossible).

2:00-5:50pm

Driving, Snack purchases at Stater Bros., lunch at Pancit Planet fill the subsequent hours, Inspiration from Michael's, and presentation prep fill the subsequent hours.

5:55pm
Head to Irvine/Buzz's Freeways 101 Lesson #2 (may or may not include the 101fwy).

7:00pm
Stonefire grill for $10/head is an okay deal, but considering our recent purchases, it's at the utmost limit. Melody walks away from the table and I start to divulge my plan to Raffy. But before start can become continue she's already returned. Then she leaves again, but before restart can become continue she's once again returned. She sure knows how run errands. An intent stare and raise of the eyebrows gives Raffy enough of a heads up. Buzz and I get up to leave because I have practice (which is true, but I never actually said I would be going), and Raffy with that sharp mind of his asks me for my number to discuss "Mavyn stuff," sneaking in an inquiry about text message capabilities without any suspicion.

8:15pm
I catch up Raffy up on the plans via text. Buzz and I station ourselves at a local Starbucks (which says nothing about our location) to continue working on the display board. Likely the only thing more disturbing than the constant phone calls confirming plans is the sight of multi-colored pieces of felt enveloping the round little table and a chunk of cardboard taking the floor a la preparation for a b-boy cypher.

9:00pm (which a cranky Mike so necessarily argues is 9:01)
Last minute preps turn our little band of guests into a well-oiled machine:
Julian as head visionary consultant.
Geneyem as adhesive technician, adding tacky glue to tacky cutout letters.
Caleb as landscaping consultant, directing practical placement of yet-to-be attached turtles.
Buzz as assistant adhesive technician, making custom fit tape circles.
Raffy as cake-bearer, ready to light on command.
Mike as John Hancock impersonator, recklessly adding signatures to turtles I had originally prepared for backup.
Thomas as lookout, liason between the 4th and 5th floors
Helen as inquiry specialist, voicing her random questions about MCIA.
Helen's shy cousins offer their silent support.
Baby Sabrina on sleep duty, which is definitely the most helpful role for her at this time.

9:30pm
Sami sneaks an early group down to our floor to do some underground turtle dealing. Thomas signals 5 minutes til go time. Tiffy (co-coord of julian's 22nd suprise bash) & Lea (throwback bestie surprise of the year) join the bunch.


9:35pm
Go time.
Melody is on the 6th floor distracted by her fellow captains, Roxy "Roxstar" Shih and Rommel "OH!" Rosales, headed by Kevin "Krzydoo" Duh. Members of the team add their turtles, pre-made and freshly-inked alike, to the board while the rest camouflage our movement with real/faux run-throughs and Raffy lights the cake.

9:47pm
Patrick places me in the center with the board as he directs the team to cover me. Just then a disgruntled Melody, weary from discussing heavy leadership topics -- as she put it --“humph…on my birthday!” makes her way downstairs despite Krzydoo’s best attempts to extend the 15 minute diversion. The team is not in position yet, and my sustained exposure causes me to panic and instinctually decide to just crouch down behind the board. This of course comes in conflict with Raffy's instincual decision to crouch behind me…with the cake…that I have now just sat on. Not too many people notice, since they’re too busy cheering for one Melody Cruz, whose luster after being sucked away by her captains is being injected back into her by the crowd peppered with surprises she has yet to really take notice of. She eventually does notice, though, along with the team, of a fellow 22-year old vulnerably standing with cake on his hand...and bum.

“…and [czareine] was saying how last night was pretty perfect... julian fashion”
– Thomas

It was confirmed by the consensus that it just wouldn’t have been a “Julian story” if everything went as planned (a term they’re all well acquainted with by now). No objection here. It would be a far less poignant post in my opinion.

I’ll end this (krzy)doozy of a story with the thoughts I jotted down that night before bed:

The day was pretty cool Melody was happy and so I'm happy. Plus I won some major cool points with her and everyone around, points I gradually lost through the night by being myself (sitting on a cake, eating a candle, drooling, etc). That's nice. I'm happy things worked out, and yes I count the cake sit as things working out. Melody is happy and so I'm happy. I said that already. Well the look on her face is pretty hard to get out of my head. And a couple tears too? Perfect! Haha I threw out a couple high-fives after I saw that. I'm just so happy things worked out. I repeated myself again. Looks like happy is the word of the day. I'm cool with that. Thanks God.

Praise God for you.

She's...crying? This I didn't expect.

I feel so bad. Oh, but she's kind of laughing too, so maybe it's not all that bad. She's either crying because she's laughing or laughing because she's crying. We walk her outside where we can hopefully figure out what her flurry of emotions is all about. Turns out it's all because of fear (this would explain why as we approached her father in the car she screamed "Noooo!") Mike seems to know what to do, but even if he didn't he'd probably make it look like he did. Smart move -- it's little consolation to join someone in their panic. In any case, a problem is a problem and the answer remains the same:

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Often culturally manifested as "God won't give you anything you can't handle," but there's so much more to it:

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man."
What sobering truth! This makes little of "woe is me" mentalities and says to the self-pitying man "mm…nothing new." How can one call the Bible outdated, when albeit technology and trends have changed, man's greatest problems - pride, greed, lust, anxiety, jealousy, bitterness, loneliness, etc - have stayed the same since the beginning of time. God has been dealing with the same problems for millennia! It's comforting just to know that what you're going through is nothing new, that men in the past have come across it, and by God's grace have been delivered from it.

She's afraid to talk to her parents about her faith, because they might get mad and not let her go to bible study anymore. The fear of man is a crippling one. No matter what kind of confrontation, we all fear men at some point. Mike proceeds to tell her about friends in the past who have had the same fears and have overcome them. Even though their parents ended up forbidding them from church for a while, they continued to live their lives faithfully while obeying their parents wishes, and years later their parents ended up becoming Christian themselves. "God is faithful." You've made it this far, right?

"he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape,"
This dispels any retort along the lines of "I couldn't help it" or "that's just who I am." Every man has endured temptation before, every temptation allows that possibility. But while there is a light at the end, there is still a tunnel to a traverse. The verse makes the point of obstacle, connotations of pain and suffering. Why?

"that you may be able to endure it."
Notice the "that" <- this marks that the following is the purpose. God provides a way of escape (SO) THAT you can endure it. So the goal is endurance. Why?

James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. This is the difference between blind faith and a tempered faith. Nowadays the concept of trusting the Bible often comes attached with ignorance and irrationality, imagining the person following the Bible because it's all he's ever known, all he's ever been taught, and he doesn't know why he believes. This is not the future James describes. James says to rejoice when (meaning you will) meet trials, because if you manage to endure then it's going to make your faith stronger.

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn" - C.S. Lewis