Casting crowns.

Miss California, Carrie Prejean, during the 2009 Miss USA pageant, was asked whether or not she believed all states should legalize same-sex marriage. The obvious leader for most of the pageant, she was put in a difficult situation. Now if this was a cartoon, this would be the part where a little devil Carrie and a little angel Carrie show up bickering on either of her shoulders. She knew what answer would satisfy judge Perez Hilton (asking the question), and certainly one little deviance from the Bible – the stronghold of her worldview – couldn’t hurt. She might even reason that the fib was a necessary one, to garner her crown and title, in which case she had even bigger opportunities to serve God.

"Do you seek great things for yourself? Seek them not"

- Jeremiah 45:5

I’ve been contemplating the difference between God-centered ambition and self-centered ambition lately. Is it wrong to do things for your own benefit? What makes something self-centered? It is possible to do something for both God and yourself? J. Oswald Sanders writes:

“No doubt, Christians must resist a certain kind of ambition and rid it from their lives. But we must also acknowledge other ambitions as noble, worthy, and honorable. [Jeremiah 45:5] provides a warning for sorting out the difference. When our ambition carries out a burning desire to be effective in the service of God – to realize God’s highest potential for our lives – we can keep [this verse] in mind and hold [it] in healthy tension.”

Seeking goals that benefit you isn’t a sin…necessarily. But where do you draw the line?

Before Carrie could answer Perez, she first had to answer a question within herself, “Do I want to honor God more, or wear that crown more?” She had to answer truthfully to honor God, because God never gives us a temptation we can’t handle (1 Cor 10:13), so there is no excuse for sin. Had she chosen to “white lie,” she would compromise her integrity and obedience to God, revealing her intentions to be self-centered.

"It is motivation that determines ambition’s character."

Ms. Prejean ended up answering truthfully, speaking against same-sex marriage, while acknowledging it as her choice among other choices. “I did not want to offend anybody,” she commented in a later interview, “but I think with that question specifically, it's not about being politically correct. For me it was being biblically correct…[winning] wasn't what God wanted for my life that night.” And God’s plan for her is being revealed as a better one.

You see sometimes God has a plan for you that's better than yours, and in obeying His word you'll find it. She’s gained more attention for that decision than she would have had she compromised and won Miss USA…which ended up going to…um…I forget.

Loss for words.

#3 He doesn’t know why it happened. My fingers drag across the slotted brown table, contemplatively. He wants answers. My gaze is to the table now, gripping it by the little holes, shutting out external chatter and waiting to be inspired with something to tell him.

#2 Things are beginning to crash on her once again. It doesn’t matter how much she braces herself, one little detail is enough to send her reeling into it all over again. Sympathies provide a shoddy cushion, and, over the phone, troubled silence is not so distinctive from the negligent variety. Say something.

I’ve been meditating on 2 Corinthians for a while now. The passage seems to grow in profundity the more I have these vital encounters.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Instance #1 happened about a couple weeks ago. My pastor, while in the Philippines, had congestive heart failure. He’s probably the closest person to me that’s been that close to death. I don’t think I’ve ever prayed so hard. Not just for me, but for everyone in my church, and then some. At 64, he continues to affect a remarkable amount of people internationally (hence, the trip). All those nights I stayed for dinner -- I lament how much I didn’t realize I was in the presence of such a hero of faith. Everyone in the youth started texting, calling, and e-mailing reminders that at 8:00pm, no matter where we were, we would drop what we were doing and pray for Pastor Ed. It was in that time, on our knees, feeling the corporate presence of so many pleas to God, that I began to feel that comfort Paul the apostle talks about.

I think the reason I’ve struggled to say things lately is because I haven’t been listening enough. When I dig into my head and heart for some words of consolation, I try to do it by my own history of trials. I often wind up in a dead end, but I know that even if I had some poignant and trying story to share, it would only help so much. To give supernatural comfort, you need to know supernatural suffering.

That’s on the cross.

“For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too”

To know Christ, to know the sufferings he endured, is to know the salvation he offers you. Salvation not only at the first moment of faith, but also in the face of life’s daily obstacles. For in finding Christ’s sufferings, you find his comfort. And in finding his comfort, you finally find the words to say.

Oh, and Pastor Ed is doing well now. But he'll have to cut out the chocolate and lechon for a while.

If He didn’t…

If He didn’t rise,
They’d be right you know.

If He stayed in bed,
If He stayed dead,
If Christ didn’t rise,
I’d be screwed.

If He didn’t rise,
I would’ve wasted too many hours,
Waking up early, trying to pay attention, giving money,
And the worst part about it,
Is that I forgot to get the receipt for my taxes.

If He didn’t rise,
The Bible would be a sham,
And they’d be right.
Do you know that?

I'd think to myself,
The church is evil,
There probably is no evil,
If there's no evil, there's no good,
And then why on Earth --
No, why the Hell should I help someone else,
Who couldn't help me even more?

If He didn’t rise,
Prophets would be schizos and swindlers,
The disciples a bunch of dimwits,
Paul would be a tool,
And Jesus would be either a con-man or a lunatic,
Wait, a masochist...definitely a masochist.

If He didn’t rise,
Jesus wasn't God.
And you’re still in your sins.

If in Christ we have hope in this life only,
we are of all people most to be pitied.